Riya Sokol, Internationally Acclaimed Singer & Speaker

  Welcome back, friends, to our podcast, Unlocking Your World of Creativity. And we travel around the world talking to creative practitioners about how they get inspired and organize ideas, but most of all, how they gain the confidence and the connections to launch their work out into the world. And today we're stamping our creative passport for the first time in Warsaw, Poland.

And my guest is Ria Sokol. Ria, welcome to the show.

Hello. So lovely to be here. How are you?

I'm terrific. It's great to see your smile and we can't wait to learn from your creative experience and your insights. Rhea is an internationally acclaimed artist. She was a singer, performer from a young age, and we'll talk about that.

But now she's an acclaimed speaker and the widespread distribution of a poem called Thank You, Coronavirus. Was translated into dozens of languages and received lots of awards. And Rhea, I think we start there. And that is, in order to really communicate our feelings and really acknowledge even the negative, so many creative people get stuck with negative feedback.

What is your insight in your experience and really processing negative experiences and turning them into something we can learn and grow from? You're asking

about difficult feedbacks. Oh my goodness, I've got so much to say about it. I've been on the stage since I was six.

And not only I was on the stage, but also I was a soloist in a huge group. So I I really, Know what it means to be loved because you're successful and chosen and what it means to be hated because you're successful And you're chosen So it's like you're in a group of 80 children and you're being chosen to be the one To stand in the front And it keeps going for many years.

So For me, it was conditional. It was conditioning me. So First of all, I got conditioned to being In the front, like being the leader, being the solace, being a person who is standing on the stage in the lights. But second, it conditioned me also to see people happy when I'm on the stage and. The feedback was really like, the more I was loved, the more I was hated.

And this was going simultaneously, literally. And then I got really offended at some point. Like I had this rebellious moment as a teenager. And then I said, okay, I'm not going to perform anymore. But somehow my dreams, I say, they were waking me up in the middle of the night through anxiety attacks and we're just knocking.

And I was getting really anxious that I'm not doing what I love doing. So I came back on the stage and the moment I said, okay, I'm ready. I recorded my first night, my first single and my first album and it was big success. And straight away in the midst of hundreds of thousands emails and comments, I was able to find three that were about me not having a nice voice, me being stupid and me having two big cheeks, and I was so focused on these three comments.

That for some reason I started going into direction where I wanted to prove that I'm fine, that I'm okay, that they can love me, that they can accept me. And. I didn't focus on people who loved me. I focused on people who hated me. Yes. Which was really minority. Tiny group of people. But guess what happens when you are focused on these tiny things?

When you focus on them, they grow. Yes.

Give them attention. You water them like plants and they do grow. And I love the story that your first album, your first single, is a big hit. This is when people almost call this instant success as if you haven't prepared, and laid the groundwork for this success before.

Did you have a sense of that instant success? Yes.

Yes, it was. Okay. I was working a lot, right? Like I was preparing a lot. I was singing on the concerts where there were, 10 people who didn't know me and I was performing as if I'm, Performing in the front of my fans and in the front of thousands of people.

So of course I did a lot of work, but once I said, okay, I'm doing it, it just exploded. Like it was really good single and it was very successful. But the moment I started focusing on the hate and on the difficult feedback and my stability, My self awareness, my self importance, my self worth, and my confidence, it was so tiny, it was so little that the moment the comments hit me, I completely collapsed.

I had no resources to take from, to to compensate somehow and to navigate me through this hell. I just. I recognize that I'm in the middle of the hell. I recognize that everybody hates me. This was my immediate response. Everyone hates me. Nothing could go through this barrier of but there are people who are loving you also.

Yeah. But those hate me. And that was a spiraling down straight into the depression. I was diagnosed. After one year I was diagnosed for depression and this is when my journey started of recovery of growing my confidence, my self worth, my self love, self acceptance and finding out who I am actually and why I am.

And it's an ongoing journey, your own recovery and personal development. How do you continue to maintain that approach?

fIrst of all, I've done like the, it was 10 years ago. So for the last 10 years, I did tones of trainings, workshops, healing sessions, and then I also trained myself to be a speaker, to be a performer.

So I, I gained so much power. I found so much power in me that for now it feels it's just endless. And the way I continue is I challenge myself. every single day. For example, today I was shooting a video clip where I'm dancing with a partner, with a dan professional dancer, 30 years in Dancing in the Stars he was performing and so forth very popular, famous, and professional, incredible dancer.

I'm training with him, the last year I was training with him, I put a lot of work into. Sports and building my body also and dancing because it's very difficult. The way he teaches, he's very demanding and he agreed to perform in my video clip. And today 5 AM, I woke up and we were shooting since five and We were sweating.

We were like, it was so exhausting. And if I'm honest, like even dancing, I was speaking to him the other day that even dancing is like a therapy because I'm getting to know myself even better even though I feel so confident, then I go on a training. In the area that I don't feel confident and I immediately feel like a little girl and then immediately catches it.

So he's okay, we have to talk now because you're a woman and you cannot shrink because you don't know how to do certain steps and go into your little girl. Because it's it's not who you are. We have to take the woman out of you whilst you're dancing. You're a woman when you live, when you sing, when you speak, when you walk.

But now we have to bring the woman when you dance. So it's an ongoing journey. And then I cry in the evenings because I feel I'm not good enough and that I shouldn't be dancing and that it's too much for me, but then I'm getting up and I'm like, okay, it's another challenge and I'm doing it. So I do it every single day.

I challenge myself. push myself into the discomfort.

Oh, and you talk about taking radical control of your mind, and I couldn't help but get the image of the dancing as a therapy, but the body mind connection where your mind has to be thinking about the dance and the body has to be responding to the dance.

Are these the types of things that you've been using to get control of your mind?

Absolutely. Absolutely. And one of the biggest breakthroughs that I had was when I was doing the skydiving license. So this was one of my challenges. I went to Dubai and I wanted to be independent skydiver. So I was jumping alone.

And when you're up there, you realize that every millisecond is It can be like an hour, like the time collapses because the time somehow slows down. You hear every thought. Why? Because you have to focus because your life depends on it. It's it's not Oh, I'm going to fail. That's fine.

I'm going to repeat. There is no second chance. If you lose your focus, if you lose your discipline, like your inner discipline, you might die. This is like the very radical way of realizing how focused you need to be. So as I will, every time I was flying out there and every time I was in the plane and there are 50 things you have to remember and you have to check them 20 times, like one more thing, is everything good?

Is everything fine? Is everything working? Did I remember about everything? It's there is no. Millimeter for any other thoughts. And this really showed me the importance of what we're thinking and how distracted I was in my life. How, I was doing this. I was thinking about this. I was talking on the phone.

I was washing the dishes. I was speaking with my children. It's like all over the place. And once I decided, I challenged myself, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to really start practicing it. Like radical control of my mind, like the to think list. What am I thinking about? Like step by step, not the thoughts are being thought.

It's I'm thinking my thoughts. And this was the result of me doing the license. So it impacts, it impacted my life tremendously because it's like with the light. When you gather the light, it brights. It's shining, more intensively when it's spread, you can hardly see it. It's like a little bit, in the air very sparkles.

Exactly. But when you take it, it's whoa, and this energy creates the most incredible things in your life. Like focused, condensed energy. Yes.

It's great to have this background of both your creativity even as a child, moving up into music, which gives context to this video poem that you released during the pandemic, Thank you, coronavirus.

And it was so powerful as I watched it that the contradiction. Of all of us, thinking and being contained by coronavirus, but you saying thank you for the lessons that it was teaching. Tell us about that and the experience that you had as more and more people recognized and responded to this poem.

The thing that I was feeling in the most. Spectacular way when I was sitting and it was in Costa Rica. I was sitting in Costa Rica. It was five a. m. The pandemic was just announced like few days back And I remember sitting and contemplating and feeling the fear in the air. Like I literally felt the fear around the globe.

And I was hearing also all these tragical news about people dying, about people losing their jobs. And somehow I wanted to make sense out of it. I didn't understand how this can make any sense. What is happening so much tragedy, so much like terror, like people were really terrified. And I was sitting and I was feeling that I desperately want to make sense of it.

And I remembered this quote. If you want things to be different, don't pray for them to be different, but pray to be able to see them differently. So I was contemplating on that. And this is when I felt the anxiety that was not touching the earth. It was like I somehow felt it, that it's all around the earth, but the earth.

It's very solid, like it's solid, it's there. And as it started to somehow, separate I heard these words, so I started to write them down and then I recorded them and I just posted it and I think that the most, because the feedback that I got was just incredible. And I think that um, 95 percent of the feedback was.

You gave me hope because people felt hopeless. People felt like this is the end and I guess this movie this short clip showed them that it doesn't have to, that we can see it differently.

So good. It was definitely something we needed at that time because there was such isolation and you brought it all together.

I'll be sure to put a link in the show notes so people can go back and watch this video. Thank you, Maria. You've also then gone forward in business adventures. And I think creative people would love to hear the story of how you have added other talents to your already, popular experience. So as an artist, a speaker, and now an entrepreneur, tell us about your creative business.

I see that I started with singing and dancing, then I went into talking because before pandemic, I was already speaking and I was doing workshops for people. And then when the pandemic hit I, I went online because obviously we all went online and I opened my online business. But I felt like it landed in me.

I want to do both. This is my dream. I want to do both. So my performances are like shows where I'm singing or I'm speaking, where I'm storytelling, where I'm dancing. Also, I'm showing my video clips. I'm showing huge piece of my life. To show people what's possible, to show people where I come from, to show people that I was really ill and now I'm here, I'm living the life of my dreams and it gives hope and it gives light and it inspires people.

So for me, the most important thing, when I look into my heart, it's I suffered so tremendously that. When I think about even one person who is suffering, I feel please listen to what I'm talking about, to what I'm sharing. Please don't let yourself stay there. Please don't think that you're lonely.

Please don't think that there is no way out, because there is a way out, and I'm the proof, I'm the evidence. So My, my main mission and my drive is to get to as many people as possible because it breaks my heart to think that someone could end up the way I ended up and not be able to get out of there.

And what were some of the lessons that you've learned so far as now a business woman, in addition to a creative performer, how did those two things balance out for you?

I guess it's putting my heart out there, being courageous. and having boundaries, knowing my boundaries, having my standards, observing myself being brave when it comes to talking about money, which I love to talk about, by the way, and being really aware of what I'm worth.

and being very disciplined. Like I, I wake up every morning and I'm very feminine because I dance. I do a lot of feminine routines, but also this masculine focus, discipline, like things need to be done sometimes. Like it's nice to be in the chaos and in the emotions and simultaneously.

Also I have in the back of my mind, it's like things need to be done and boundaries need to be recognized. So I guess these are like, I'm balancing, I'm dancing between these two, which creates really incredible business for me and for so many people. Yes.

I'm glad you brought up the morning routine and you mentioned that you were up this morning, even filming a video.

How do you keep a creative routine, a discipline that does help both your body and your mind?

I talk to myself a lot. I do the coding. Coding is my method. It came when I was really ill, I was talking to myself and I was telling myself the things that I would like to hear from my best friend. So it would be, you're amazing, you're courageous, you can make it, you can do it.

I've got your back. And I would be talking to me, to myself like this. And then after many years, I recorded it and it's online on YouTube, on Spotify, everywhere, because I truly recommend it. This is what made my life so disciplined, because when I, when it's. I slept only two hours and I feel like I'm going to faint in the moment and I don't feel like getting up.

I talk to myself. I'm being kind, but also very grounded. Let's call it that way. So I say, okay, you feel exhausted now, but once you do. three little moves. Let's do some three little moves. Let's see how you're going to feel. And then I'm like, Oh my God. Okay. And then I start doing, even in the bed, I start doing, all these kind of things when I'm moving my body, then it's okay, now take your hand up, adjust for a moment and take your head up and stretch.

And this is, I just talk to myself, like to the version of me, who is. exhausted or tired or just wants to be lazy, I just talk to this version of me as if I was talking to the child, and I'm flirting a little bit and I'm doing some seduction and it works. So this is my method. Fantastic.

Rhea, it's been such a pleasure talking to you. I get a real creative energy even long distance here. And so I appreciate you sharing that. As we close, I'm interested if you were speaking with someone who is just at that point in their own creative development. That they're saying, I'm ready to take that bold step.

You talked about being brave to go out there. What encouragement or inspiration would you share that would put us over that block? We're feeling a little stuck right now. How can we get beyond that?

wHen you're, when I was flying, it's like there is, you have three seconds to get out.

Because if you miss the space, then the plane has to do the whole round and probably you won't be able. So it's like you have three seconds to just to get your. Self together, get yourself together and jump out. And of course you're paralyzed. Like it's it's four kilometers.

It's crazy how far it is. So you just count to three and you jump. And this is what I also do when I speak to people who are wondering, are the, are we ready? Are we stuck? Are, do we have a blockage? What should I do? How should I move? I always say count to three and do it. Don't think if you're ready, you're going to find out if you're ready and then you're going to be better, but you will not find out if you're ready just from thinking.

If you're ready, you're not going to get unstuck just from thinking about being stuck. If you want to get unstuck, if you want to do something, just do it. Don't wait. for things to be ready. My first performances were for three people. Was I ready? Of course not. This is why only three people were there. But thanks to this performance, I got better.

. Then it's: 1000

. And then again,: 1500

And if you need the. Kick in the beautiful back of your body. I am super happy to do it. If you need permission, there is also another thing. If you need permission from someone, you either Sign the contract with yourself or you can also come to me. I will give you the permission. You are freaking ready. I

love that.

Ria, I'm going to put all the contact information in the show notes so people can find you, follow your work. You've got some terrific business propositions. So we do want to follow what you're up to. Appreciate you coming on the show.

Thank you so much. It was such a

pleasure. We've stamped our creative passport in Warsaw, Poland today talking to Ria Sokol, the internationally acclaimed artist, speaker, and even now viral content creator, which is a whole new title with singers and dancers, but now viral content creators.

And since the age of six, as we've heard, Ria has been on the stage sharing her creativity and her approach. And we've also heard her story. Rising up through depression because of some of the negative comments, which we can learn a lesson there. So really bringing an impact to the world and Rhea has been such an inspiration to us today.

So listeners come back again next time. We'll continue these conversations with creatives all over the world on getting inspired organizing ideas and of course making the connections and gaining our confidence to launch our work. Out into the world until next time I'm Mark Stinson, and we're unlocking your world of creativity.